Day 30: Frustrated
Happy earlyish Saturday morning!
So, full disclosure - I started writing this post about an hour ago, super frustrated with... everything.
I needed to finish my charts last night, but for some reason, the files never came through from the facility, despite me calling 3 times to try to get the information sent over.
Which meant that I didn't go to sleep until after midnight.
And didn't sleep great.
And I only slept in about 30 minutes this morning.
And was prepared to drive back to the facility this morning to get the charts - despite that being 1.5-2 hours of driving this morning.
Thankfully, one of the awesome nurses was able to send me the files this morning, and I just finished the charts and sent them in.
What a relief.
This experience though reminded me of how quickly I jump into avoidance/numbing mode when I'm stressed.
I binge watch. (Back to New Girl last night...)
I ditch my disciplines - exercise, yoga, devotions, practicing organ.
I stop communicating.
I refuse to trust that God will work it all out for good, even though I don't see any good in the situation.
I get stuck in my head, spinning round and round with all the what-ifs.
And it's hard to get out.
Even after the fact when it feels like everything should be back to 'normal'.
Which is where I find myself now.
Just somewhat reeling from the stress that I put myself through in the last 18 hours.
stand run here at my desk this morning, it's easy to feel frustrated and exhausted.
Like I just want to throw in the towel on today and try again tomorrow.
But, as I face these emotions, I am reminded of these promises of scripture:
- That God's mercies are new every morning.
- That He gives us each day our daily bread - what we need for this day.
- That He will never leave us or forsake us.
And I am encouraged.
Even though right now it doesn't feel like He has mercy for me today.
Even though it doesn't feel like He will provide.
Even though it doesn't feel like He's with me.
That encouragement, for the moment anyway, gives me strength to start again.
I know I can't literally start the day over.
And I can't get back the hours that I lost in my frustration and panic yesterday.
But I can come back to the grace and mercy that He gives for this moment.
I can lay aside the burdens of yesterday, today, and tomorrow, and simply rest in His peace.
Rest in His promises.
Rest in His love.
Want to read more? Here's a link to my Day 30 post from 100 Days of Hannah. Click the link to check it out!
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