Day 46: Evening Thoughts

Happy Monday and snowy Day 46 of Another 100 Days of Hannah, y'all!

Wow.  It's been an afternoon for distractions.
Actually, it's been a week or so of distractions.
Which normally means that there's something I'm trying to avoid, or a void that I'm trying to fill.
 
The only problem is, I haven't figured out what that is.
 
C'est la vie.
 
In any case, I suppose it's time for my daily post... let's get started.

How many of y'all have a hard time being motivated?
 
Motivation can be very hard for me.

And, as I was asked to consider my current goals in life late last week as part of my Enneagram 9 devotional, I realized just how unmotivated I currently seem to be.

If I'm honest, I don't feel like I have any real goals in life right now - or, nothing big, ya know?

Like, yes, I'm trying to blog consistently for 100 days.
And yes, I'm working at learning organ.
And yes, I'm striving to grow closer to God.
And yes, I'm working at learning to process emotions and create space with therapy.
And yes, I'm working on a music project for church.
And yes, I'm trying to work out more consistently and start actually gaining muscle...

But, at the end of the day, most days it feels like I'm simply trying to make it out alive.
Not like there's something that I'm really actively striving for.
 
But, as I ponder that, in light of the list of things that I apparently am working on in life, I'm reminded of a quote that a close friend sent me this morning:
 
Actual happiness always looks pretty squalid in comparison with the overcompensation for misery.  And, of course, stability isn't nearly so spectacular as instability.  And being contented has none of the glamour of the picturesqueness of a struggle with temptation, or a fatal overthrow by passion or doubt.  Happiness is never grand. - Aldous Huxley
 
And I can't help but see how true this statement is (though, I'd exchange happiness for joy).

From my understanding anyway, these three feelings - joy, contentment, satisfaction - are rarely monumental.
 
They forego the gaudy appeal of attention.
They lack the burning flames of passion.
They shun the tumultuous chaos of addiction...
 
Choosing rather to exist in the space of silence.
In mind of the meek.
In the heart of the humble.
Away from the shine and shouts of lights and crowds.
Forever, it would seem, without allure.
 
Weak.
Drab.
Bland.

And yet, they hold a greater call...
 
A life of peace.
One which remains through it all.
 
'Til tomorrow,
 
Hannah
 
 
Want to read more?  Here's a link to my Day 46 post from 100 Days of Hannah.  Click the link to check it out!
 
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