Day 52: Dismayed

Happy Sunday, y'all!
 
Now... what to write about?

Believe it or not, words have been hard recently.

Probably because, when I set out to write these posts, I always hope to have something encouraging or inspiring to share.

But some days, that's not where I am.

And so, in an effort to be authentically vulnerable, I guess I'll just write from where I am.

Today's a shaky day.
And as normal, I'm not really sure why.
All I know is that my body feels weak, my heart has a tendency to race, my breathing is more labored - like I can never get or expel enough air, and my right hand and arm refuse to stay still.
 
For those of you who are wondering, no, I haven't consumed extra coffee.
I haven't changed my diet.
I did my yoga.
I got plenty of sleep.
I haven't been exercising excessively.
And I don't feel stressed or nervous.
 
But still, I shake.
 
(Which, does make me feel more nervous and stressed...)
 
Admittedly, these days can frustrate me terribly, as I search for some solution, some answer... anything really, that would just make me feel... normal.
 
But rather than feeling normal, I normally end up just feeling more and more out of control.
Like my body is a foreign entity that will do whatever it wants whenever it wants.
 
On these days, it's really really easy to look at my body.
To look at how I'm feeling.
 
Actually, it feels pretty impossible not to.
When I'm standing in church and it feels like my vision is fading and I'm going to fall back into the pew.
When my heart rate spikes and it feels like the world is spinning - though everything is standing still.
When I try to sing and it feels like I've run a marathon to simply make it to the second verse.  (Thank God we sit to sing most hymns in my current church!)
 
But, as I fight to slow down enough to type out these words this morning, I hear a whisper through the cacophony of my mind:
 
Fear not, for I am with you.
Be not dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you.
Yes.
I will help you.
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. (Isaiah 41:10) 
  
For those of you who, like me, may have forgotten the definition of dismayed, take a look...
 
    Dismayed: distressed, especially by something unexpected.
 
Y'all, these are the words of the Father to His people thousands of years ago.

Don't be distressed by the unexpected - I'm your God.
 
And, as I struggle with the unexpected trials of another day, I can find comfort in knowing that His words still hold true today.

I am your God.
I will strengthen you.
I will help you.
I will uphold you.
 
Obviously, I have no idea what any of you reading my posts are going through right now.
I have no idea what challenges your facing.
What thoughts are spinning.
What fears are screaming.
 
But I do know that the Father's words are true for you too.
He will strengthen.
He will help.
He will uphold.
 
Don't be dismayed.
 
'Til tomorrow,
 
Hannah 

Want to read more?  Here's a link to my Day 52 post from 100 Days of Hannah.  Click the link to check it out!
 
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